This month, I've been thinking a lot about what keeps leaders going, keeps them showing up well for their teams, even (or especially) when it's hard.
Leading a team is hard, situations are complicated, emotions are involved, and sometimes you're carrying more than people realize. Recently, I found myself supporting a leader through exactly this kind of situation while navigating some challenges of my own.
What struck me was how many of the same supports helped both of us keep showing up.
Leadership can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be surprisingly lonely at times. Whether you're leading a business, a non-profit, a department, or a team, there are moments when situations are messy, emotions run high, and you know things may get harder before they get better. In those moments, people are still looking to you for direction, steadiness, and confidence.
Below, I've curated some of the things that have made the biggest difference for both me and the leaders I work with.
Reaching out to trusted colleagues and peers who understand the realities of leadership. It's easy as a general member of the team to think, "Oh I would have done that differently if I was in charge." It often isn't until someone has walked in the shoes of a leader or boss that they recognize the difficult choices that must be made, and how sometimes, there is not a perfect choice. Reaching out to a group or even one person who may have similar experience to you is so important.
Having a thought partner outside your organization: a coach, mentor, counsellor, or trusted advisor. A thought partner where you can share uncharitable thoughts, talk through your worries, and discuss options with someone who won't be affected by your decisions is creating a "third space" that we all need, especially as leaders.
Slowing down. Difficult situations often create a sense of urgency that can push us toward reaction rather than thoughtful action. I remind myself to slow down my speech, my actions, and it is so helpful when others can kindly remind us of this too. We tend to want to do things warp speed during times of stress ("Let's just get through the bad scary woods" type of feeling). Slowing down is so helpful.
Focusing on the most important priorities and allowing less critical items to wait. Sometimes asking a trusted colleague or friend to help you reprioritize is helpful. Even ChatGPT can be a help in this situation.
Finding healthy ways to process emotions so that stress, frustration, or fear don't end up driving decisions. A mentor and friend encourages ways to let emotions move through the body. Maybe it's strenuous running, or lifting heavy weights, or chopping wood, or watching a sad movie. It honestly seemed silly at first to me, but it makes sense. Bouncy puppies, or overstimulated kids need the same thing!
Paying attention to the signs that you're not coping as well as you'd like. What that looks like for you is likely quite different for other people. Are you snapping at people? Feeling tired? Waking up in the middle of the night in a panic? If you're noticing signs that typically signal that you're not coping well, there's nothing wrong with you. But you do need to double down on caring for yourself so you don't show up as someone you aren't.
None of these eliminate the challenge.
What they do provide is the support and perspective needed to navigate difficult situations without losing yourself in the process.
One of the lessons I continue to learn is that leadership doesn't have to be done alone. In fact, some of the strongest leaders I know are the ones who intentionally build support around themselves.
If you're navigating a difficult leadership challenge and would value a trusted thought partner, I'd be happy to explore whether working together might be a fit.