How and why to use a coaching mindset with your team

True or false?  Team members just want their boss to solve their problem for them.

True or false?  It's faster to just do things yourself

I've flip flopped on these answers in my career, so I'll tell you, sometimes it depends.  What a veterinarian's answer right?

So, when do team members want their leader to simply solve the problem?  

Research tells us that there are a few specific instances where this is true:

• When the team member is under high stress and high overwhelm
• When there is little time for discussion (emergency situations)
• When there are major consequences for getting it wrong, and the team member does not want that responsibility, or the team member should not bear that burden
• When there’s a culture of “no mistakes ever”

What’s the danger of always making decisions for your team?

Many times, it is literally faster to do something yourself when you are training someone new, or as someone gains a skill.  I think of watching my kids learn to get dressed or tie their shoes, or fold their laundry.  It’s painfully obvious that it would be faster for me to do it for them.  The danger with kids of course is that they’ll never learn critical life skills to be able to do things for themselves.  In a workplace team, the leader who always “just does it” or makes all the decisions ends up with a team that has no idea how to help the leader, and isn’t empowered to try because the leader will just do it anyway, or makes the decision anyway.  Team members just stick to their lane and don’t try to help, or watch as their leader flounders around overworked and under supported.  A leader who always does tasks over again or only lets team members support when they can prove they can do it perfectly or exactly the way the leader would is destined to be overworked and frustrated.  As a leader you also cannot be everyone’s external brain, thinking for them and making all decisions simply because you have that knowledge.  That external brain leader is left making all kinds of decisions big or small, and completely frustrated that they are indispensable. They are usually unable to step away for vacations, or unable to focus on bigger decisions the workplace needs because they are being pulled in to little decisions all the time. As ego-stroking as that is, it means things fall apart when the leader has to step away, gets sick, goes on vacation, or has bigger fish to fry.

Another risk is that important voices with new or different solutions are silenced.  When the leader speaks first with an opinion/decision, it’s rare for someone below them on the team to challenge with their own idea. The decision may be quicker, but the group misses the other ideas and thoughts from the rest of the team.

Finally, for the leader who sees themselves as needing to spell everything out for a team, or always be "on" as a teacher/trainer, this again means the team members never step up to take on more responsibility.

What's the solution?  A coaching mindset you say?

Shifting to a coaching mindset is a game changer.  Taking a coaching mindset allows you to put more in the hands of your valued team members, saving you time and energy.  For example, by asking a coaching question, you might learn the team member doesn't need you to run through each part of the process and make every decision, perhaps they are only stuck on one small part.  They may only need a light touch of support.  The coaching approach also encourages team members to think through solutions and bring you a range of good options.  

What is a coaching mindset?

Using a coaching mindset as a leader means you ask open ended questions.  It means you use curiosity and shift some of the onus of decision making back to the team member to push them into a zone of flex and growth.

How do I do it? 

Try thinking of yourself as a the coach of a football team. The team have to be your eyes and ears and actions on the field, because you cannot be the quarterback, line backer, defense all at once.  You can't step out onto the field; the players have to do the leg work.  In a workplace, you do have that option to step in if things go sideways, but the object is to encourage and ask questions to guide the team to do the right thing so that next time, they know what they're doing.

Step 1: create safety procedures:

• Add in check in points where you expect updates and discussion from your team member
• Add in safety checks where you expect your team to call you if a particular outcome happens
• Make a bit of time for coaching and training to take place. If there’s no time to coach or train someone, then you either need to offload some responsibilities, or know that this situation isn’t the right one for coaching.  Just know that the pain of making time to train and coach is far less than the pain of continuing to flail around overworked, speaking from experience.

Step 2: get your coaching questions ready.  Here’s my top 5 to ask for someone new to a coaching approach:

• What have you tried?
• What do you think the right choice is?  (What would you recommend?)
• What does good help from me look like right now?
• Where are you getting tripped up, and where are you certain?
• What do you need from me to be successful?

Step 3: Manage your emotions

When my kids learned to tie their shoes, it seemed unbearable to watch them struggle.  I was frustrated, proud, impatient, annoyed... so many emotions.  The same will happen when you are employing a coaching mindset.  Take a beat to breathe deeply, notice what comes up for you, and deal with those emotions.  Remember that you're learning a new skill and new way of doing things too, along with your team.  Everyone might be quite frustrated at first.  This is totally normal!

What do you think?  Could a coaching approach work for you and your team?